Every waking moment, I get to write, dance and film.
This is the life I love. There is no other life that I will trade for than the one I have now.
I had never imagined that it would be possible to pursue such diverse interests, but the internet makes it possible.
To explore my life to it’s limits, and beyond.
To create and chase my calling to the far ends of the world.
Somehow my personal legend has lead me here, and when I diverge from it, I feel lost.
The moment I am back on my path, everything makes sense, no matter how nonsensical it may seem what I am doing right now,
It is all linked to fulfilling on what is of importance to me.
Some days I feel like I am like the boy in The Alchemist, walking through the desert in search for a treasure.
The sweet visions of an oasis drifts in and out of my memory as I walk through the desert storm.
Some days I am digging in the sands, my hands and knees are bleeding, but yet I am digging for my treasure in front of the great pyramids.
I know that if I don’t follow my heart, I will be unhappy.
When I am unhappy, I can no longer write.
But as long I follow my heart, and chase my dreams, travel the world, and respond to my calling.
It will all make total sense.
As of now, my calling is to film an independent film based on The Scarlet Queen next year.
I will take a one year break from writing the fourth novel to the Hourglass Series and focus on marketing the first three books.
I am at one with the universe as I write this, and for this, I had finally found peace and tranquility in my heart.
It is possible to fundamentally change our way of being at any moment to suit different context, dance, music and all areas of life to explore multiple talents and interests. The human potential is largely untapped. We tend to limit and constrain ourselves to a fixed identity – our identity is actually fluid like a child. A child knows no boundaries, is infinitely curious and probing the limits of the universe. A child knows no fears, only happiness in exploration – there will always be an inner child in us and all we have to do is set it free.
I am using the tools I learnt on my calendar after attending a seminar called Mission Control. It is probably one of the most powerful courses out there on how to manage time, and use the context of time to fulfil on our fundamental concerns of what matters to us. I had been on a mission to master mission control, which is to utilise time, second by second, to fulfil on my projects and deadlines, which surprisingly, I am way ahead of schedule by powerfully applying the tools learnt.
In the context of time itself, it is about how we intentionally create time, and in creating time, we create more time. It is interesting to note that we think we don’t have enough time, but in fact, most of us don’t utilise our time fully. We don’t know exactly how long a task takes. Or how long we are doing something, or if we are actually accomplishing something by doing that thing, or spending more time to do the thing we can’t do. It could be wiser to delegate and outsource. Or it could be wiser to automate and set recurring events to create time to study/research/practice an activity we would like to work on. Fundamentally, we can create time out of nothing, and in doing so, free us up to explore more interests and spend quality time with loved ones.
I had started to put in my weight loss goals into my calendar. Somehow that method had resulted in me losing 4kg this year. I have recurring events on how much calories to consume, and how much workouts to do. Similarly, with my book production schedule, there is a set goal of accomplishment to finish a certain portion of my book. I wish I had learnt these tools while I was in university, so I wouldn’t have to stay up to 6 am to complete my assignments on time. Nevertheless, these tools are enabling me to master the context of time, and I look forward to attending Advanced Mission Control to explore the next frontier of what I want to accomplish in 1000 years.
The greatest act of love is to give yourself to humanity for a new reality to arise. That by giving yourself to humanity is the greatest act of disappearing. When there is no more you, your consciousness will live on in the universe. Once your consciousness lives on, it will forever be part of humanity. Writing is a direct access to this power of universal consciousness, for every word we write is immortalised. For this, I chose to give myself to being an author of worlds till the end of my time.
I accept the way things are, and the way things aren’t. By accepting and not resisting against the currents, I am free to flow with the galaxy and cosmos of light. I am disappearing myself into the cosmos. Standing from a blank space of nothingness, and emptiness, I am free to create. I got how insignificant of a human being I am, a speck of dust in the grand scheme of the ever expanding universe. As I write, new universes are being created, the universe is continuously expanding and there is no human comprehension on how magnificent the universe is.
In my disappearance into the galaxy, I am at one with the flow of the cosmos. I am swimming in the cosmos, creating with my magic wand by consideration. New realities arise as I speak. My words create worlds. I love you. This is my commitment to you till the end of my time. Love can exist beyond time distance and form, there is no physicality, it is just what it is. There is nothing to prove, nothing to hide. It is just there. We are magical when we create each other, and a love that contributes all over is love that impacts the world at large. There is no better way to impact the world than to be who we are as our word for the world, and for each other.
There is no physicality to love, it can’t be proven or extracted or quantified.
Yet, it is the greatest form of ecstasy available to mankind.
It is the greatest elusive form that will not take shape till one commits to creating love out of nothing.
Yet, everything around us conditions us not to create it, but destroy and deny it.
However, it could be when one recognises love exists in the universe and we are all creations of love, that it could materialise into ecstasy by the form of numerous creations one could potentially create out of creating love and beauty to the world. It is the air we breathe, the songs we sing, the movements we make. Every part of us is filled with love, and without love, there is no aliveness. For love is aliveness itself.
Love is in the form of dynamic movement between individuals, groups and it radiates out to the universe, that they share the love we have for each other, baking and partaking in it in an endless dance in the cosmos. Love contributes all over the way it is and the way it isn’t. Love is the space beyond words. It has never been bounded by space and time, and love will exist even when we are gone, love will remain where it is, and where it isn’t. For humans had created the context of love to live into, and from this context, we can create and create, build and build on being magnificent in our love for each other.
I love you. For this, I beat on against the currents like the boats in the sea for the love lives on deep inside me.
In the film, the main character, Neo, is offered the choice between a red pill and a blue pill. The red pill would allow him to escape from the Matrix and into the real world, therefore living the “truth of reality” even though it is a harsher, more difficult life; the blue pill would lead him to staying in the Matrix, living in a pretend comfortable world. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Red_pill_and_blue_pill
As it is with choices, we pretend that we have the best of all worlds, when in fact at any one point of time, there is a continuous choosing of what we want our life to be. At each point of time, we are given choices, but we make decisions by killing off reasons. Decisions are not choices. A choice is a freedom to choose based on a future possibility that would unfold in the future. Making a decision based on past based reasons that we arrive at a making a decision.
Choices are powerful.
Decisions are destructive.
It is either one takes the red or blue pill, at any point in time. It is not possible to take both pills. It is not possible to be forced to take a pill. It is a choosing that one chooses one option over the other based on the future possibility that could unfold. Inauthentic fears and reasons that hold us back from making choices to arrive at decisions. It is most often the case when we commit to something by choosing it powerfully. However, we end the commitment to the very thing we chose by making a decision based on past reasons. However, it is powerful to arrive at a choice to start, and a choice to end the matter started.
For example, when starting a new job, one chooses the job. But in ending the contract, one decides to end the contract based on reasons, “not suited for the job etc.” However, it is powerful to end a commitment by choosing to end the job contract based on a choice instead of a reason. The freedom of choice allows us to be freed up of resentment and anger or bitterness to the very thing we chose at the onset. The moment we choose to end a commitment, based on our choice to end, there is lightness and freedom to create new possibilities. If we detest the ending, it traps us in a vicious cycle of reasons and justifications that hold us back into the past, and we are unable to move forward without dragging the past into the future.
To start from a clean blank state requires courage in choosing.
Black or white.
Red pill or blue pill.
Yes or no.
100% or 0%.
Whole and complete.
I was cast as the lead actress in a high school play when I was fourteen. I was given a script to memorise and put through an intensive program in the school play production. Day after day, we would rehearse our performance under extremely stressful conditions. As with lead roles, I was assigned a double. The double would replace me in the event I fell sick on the actual performance day. Deep inside me, I had a fear she would replace me, she would take my role and all my hard work will go to waste. If I couldn’t recite one line, my heart rate went up and I had a fear that my coach would remove me from the role.
The production went well and we performed at Victoria Theater, the very theater that I used to run around and hide under the velvet curtains. I fulfilled on acting in a theater production in a lead role, for my first footsteps on stage was to give flowers to musicians after their performances to the applause of the audience. This time, the audience was clapping for my performance.
Since the experience of being cast lead, “I will replace you,” has been my detriment. It ticks me off. It could be anyone saying it to me. “My ex could do those things you can’t.”, “If she can do it, why can’t you?” The very sensation of being replaced is the reason why I couldn’t perform publically without the fear I would be removed. I did everything I could to ensure I would not be replaced, I have my own YouTube channel, wrote my own books and stayed away from finding a job that where I would be “replaced”. After discovering this is my biggest constraint and blindspot, I gave up this up completely.
I no longer fear being replaced, for I am simply, irreplaceable.
In this transient passage of time, we will meet others in our path. One thing for sure is that we are all going to die. What we make now from our journey to the point of death is the only thing that matters. From this blank state of canvas, what is the picture we will paint today for our reality? What is the world we will create around us?
I discovered through disappearing, that everything becomes nothing. Like a black hole, everything gets sucked into nothingness and dissipates. We inherently have the ability to disappear problems by recreating, reconstituting, reconstructing. The very act of disappearing is a black hole phenomenon. We have the ability to disappear and recreate, disappear and recreate. It is an ongoing what we declare in language that constitutes what happens next, next and next.
I never felt ready for the world, I held back and limited myself by letting my fears take over who I am. But who I am for the world is beyond who I am, I am ready to take flight, I am ready to disappear myself and reconstitute and recreate my reality by consideration. By consideration by waving a magic wand, I can create a life that contributes love, beauty and knowledge all over in all my interactions with others.
I had wound up being where I am today because of what I had inherited from my environment – a childhood surrounded by libraries and books, a competitive streak as a result of my teenage gaming years, a series of broken relationships due to my dysfunctional nature of being unable to receive love, a love for art and theater and travel from what I was exposed to. It is an inherited context that I wound up being where I am today as an author of two books, a YouTube channel with two million views and an entrepreneur.
I wound up being a dysfunctional solitary person who believes “I am not understood and the world is full of suffering.” that propels me to do what I do, without any need for recognition. I had doubled people’s incomes and set them onto their life path just by them having a conversation with me. There are layers upon layers most people are unable to confront, which I unwrap till it reaches the core before they are set free into a path of who they truly are.
In the process, I am disappearing myself completely by being there for others, in my community and the world. In the disappearance of myself, only can universalism arise. I am disappearing my need for validation, for the need of love, for the need of anything egotistical. I am disappearing myself, by being in the eyes of others.
In my disappearance, I am letting go of my need for a lover, my need for a soul mate, my needs for anyone to satisfy any of my wants. I am letting go of the loves in my life, and my broken past, my nightmares, my flashbacks, my pain and my pleasure.
I am fully engrossed in reality by being there for others, being the person I truly am. In my disappearance, I have broken out of the cocoon and I am free to soar the skies as a butterfly.
I had finally accepted myself for who I am.
I had been called a “prolific writer” many times by numerous people I meet who stumble upon my blog. It is indeed my outlet of expression and space of introspection that I write out my thoughts to jump to the next frontier of my life. It is a series of propulsion that keeps me going and going. The moment I stop writing, my life comes to a standstill. By intellectualising the process, it helps to figure out what actions I want to take next.
As of today, I am almost 3/4 done on my first draft with the Purple Python. I have to admit this is the most powerful book I had written to date, the writing moves me. As well as my short story, The Prince (working title). I had realised that we will most likely never be together with the person that we love. I am giving up on attaching to the loves of my life and to live a life of solitude. My contribution to the world is not children, but the worlds that my writings create. I distinguished that even by being in a relationship or having children is for my self-gratification, but it may not be what I want or need.
I had experienced true love, and it lives on within me.
I had sacrificed love, and it now exists outside me in spirit.
I had sought for love, and it eludes me like a plague.
For love is giving and letting go.
It is powerful to live a life of freedom without obligation to anyone or anything. It is powerful that I wake up daily before my alarm clock goes off, and write prolifically in a way I had never done before, just by letting go of all the baggage I had been holding on to. It is powerful to perform at my self-actualised self that connects with all instead of portraying a need for validation for my own ego. I am the source of empowerment to those around me, who have set off in different paths to find their actualized states.
Who I am for the world – I am the creator of worlds and source of empowerment for world leadership.
I am fully complete with all the loves of my life. For this, I am able to write in a way that I had no access to before. I had never written about love powerfully. But in the Purple Python, it’s different, it moves me. I read some of the parts I wrote, and I am shocked. I am shocked that I could be so expressive. For so long I numbed myself to the emotion of love, and now it flows like a river. It’s amazing that just by letting go, so much could come into my life.
There is so much love I have to give to this world, and I am going to be the prolific writer that I am meant to be.