I had been described as a feminist by numerous people who converse with me in person. It is probably something I had unconsciously picked up during my educational years influenced largely a subject I took in university relating to Gender Studies as an elective module while I was in Monash University.
This is what I subsequently learnt, the third wave feminism what I experienced on campus. There were feminist e-zines authored by students on premises, and leading feminists advocates speaking up on against rape and sexual abuse and harassment. Furthermore, the number of women certain degrees outnumbered men in Australia and there were more women in white collared professions compared to men.
I had never regarded myself as a feminist, I regarded myself as a woman and my dad raised me up as his only child, in a fashion of probably what he thought I should know – like how to write a cheque, play chess and write a letter.
It never occurred to me what activities were gender specific. I spent most of my childhood playing soccer, and doing acrobatic stunts on monkey bars, playing games in the arcade or online games. I was naturally good in playing virtual games, and it was not because I wanted to prove I was a boy, or I thought myself as a boy – it was just a natural interest.
Subsequently I was elected to be the guild leader of numerous guilds in game, and they became top guilds. My guild members would think I am joking when I described myself as 12/female, as I spoke in game like 18/male with my usage of vocabulary. The good part about being in a virtual game is that your real life identity doesn’t matter, it has to do more with meritocracy – it’s coded with a reward system that is based on skill and intellect.
My YouTube Channel could be described as a channel using technology to advocate a fourth wave feminism, it challenges the idea of being a subservient women that men want. It is the polar opposite, it is about being a dominating woman, who controls her minions.
It is of my intention to put the word FEMDOM in my channel description, for the very fact it is about Female Domination. Or rather, it is about the empowerment of women who be whoever, and whatever they want to be. It is a statement itself – that women cannot be confined to traditional roles in this century.
When Annabelle Chong starred in the “The World’s Greatest Gangbang“, she did it as a feminist statement about the insatiable nature of a woman’s sexual desire. She majored in gender studies, and it was part of her thesis to be a porn actress as a form of liberated sexual expression of being a woman, and to challenge gender roles – that she was the one who needed many men to satisfy her desire – instead of the opposite narrative that we are accustomed to.
This in turn, had inspired my channel, in which the character “The Scarlet Queen” needs many minions to satisfy her requests, and she doesn’t belong to anyone. Not even the knights, although some men would want to believe they are knights, they are minions anyway.
Although I don’t regard myself as a feminist, the things I do are feminist in nature. And maybe, it is just in our nature to be who we want to be without the need for any labels on who we really are.
Filmed this to make a total of 4 music interpretation videos a month ago after losing 4 kg and writing my third book at the same time. Sadness with a depth of longing and yearning is one of the hardest emotion for me to express on stage. For years I couldn’t reach that core of vulnerability so I couldn’t film as Cheryl. She disappeared entirely from the series. But now Cheryl is back with Risque and the Scarlet Queen. I am glad that I have successfully managed to keep a solo theater production acting as three characters ongoing for 4 years without giving up. It is my original master artwork in motion. I hope my channel inspires the next generation of artists who pursue theater and arts to pursue their artistry in new alternative mediums such as YouTube.
With permission, I am publishing my replies to an email I received from a fan. My replies are in blockquotes:
I read your recent blog entries and felt compelled to reach out to you. I’m not writing to Risque, and I’m not writing as the fetishist who wrote the worship story for Risque and lusts for her legs. That’s a small piece of me that I keep very safely hidden away from the real world. I use that identity as therapy for managing the painful pieces of my life, as traditional therapy would not work for someone like me, nor do I hide from reality with drugs or alcohol.
When I started my YouTube Channel, I was quite a confused switch, but I discovered myself through the process that I am both sides of the equation and that I am one – the one and only Scarlet Queen. I am glad you found yourself in my master artwork.
I just wanted to let you know that your artistry brought that side out of me (even if nobody in my real life knows about that side) and helped me get through a particularly difficult period. I want to thank you for that. But more importantly, I just wanted to express my opinion about what might be your purpose as an artist, as I sense your struggle. I think your purpose is to create awareness that expressing traditionally taboo sexuality can benefit society, not corrupt it (provided it is always safe, sane and consensual).
Precisely, the French philisophers had done that in the Age of Enlightenment. Although Marquis De Sade wrote numerous erotic taboo books and was almost guillotined for that, he was an accomplished philisopher and politician. In Ancient China, I believe sexuality and erotic art was much more open and mainstream than before the communist took over. There are many instances in history that there were periods of libertine and enjoyment of sexuality, compared to conversative times now where there is a heavy reliance on porn and fantasy instead of pursuing healthly, loving deep relationships.
I learned that term when I was researching my worship story. I knew nothing about BDSM and thought it was only for perverts and deviants (based on religious teachings and how I was raised). But with a little bit of research I learned that it can be a healthy expression of repressed feelings that can be practiced by otherwise “normal” people, not just drug addicts or degenerates (full disclosure… BDSM has become a bit of a fantasy for me, but I still have not crossed the line to try it). You are spreading your word through your platforms, in an unconventional way. Maybe your way will only really touch 10 or 100 people, or maybe it will grow to influence millions. And maybe you influence on others will be very different than your influence on me.
As long it touches one person, it doesn’t matter to me if it touches millions or billions. I believe my work will transcend time and space in the grand scale of the universe. If you watch Cloud Atlas the movie, you will realise the musician composed a score and committed suicide soon after. No one heard of the score till centuries later and the musical score sparked a rebellion.
I don’t understand the full meaning and purpose of your artistry, as I am really one of those business school educated people and interpreting art is the last thing I’d be qualified to do. But my one observation is that in today’s world you can’t just preach to people and expect to be heard, you need to compete with the glitz and glamor and instant gratification easily accessible in today’s world to get attention, and then if you get that attention you can use it to subtly make your point and influence people about your deeper purpose.
There is no purpose in my art except to inspire others like yourself to discover who you are. And move the society towards openness in regards to sexuality.
So my “business school” advice for you is twofold. First, your YouTube channel creates your attention. To expand your viewership, you might want to do a bit more to make it go viral. I’m not suggesting nudity or porn or anything like that, and I’m no artist so I don’t even have.a good suggestion, but I suspect you have it in you to create something edgier in your videos and maybe even your books. Second, far be it from me to presume to know what your ultimate purpose is, but once you have that bigger audience, I trust that you will be able to open minds and if nothing else educate people and move the dial towards a healthier, more respectful, less judgmental society.
With 2.7 million views and counting, I regard my channel a success on it’s own right and I am satisfied at the artistic progress I am making, as well as in my personal development in discovering who I am. In the process, it is educating others to accept their sexuality and who they are, despite social norms and constraints.
That’s how I see you making a difference. Maybe I’m completely out to lunch, and I don’t usually like to give advice to people, but I thought I would share just in case any small part of this resonates with you and sparks a creative idea or even just helps you get through a tough period like you helped me. And if it doesn’t resonate with you, I’ll have no hard feelings if you just delete this and dismiss me as a potentially nutty fan who doesn’t know or understand the real you, and just wants to interact with your sexy on screen persona (I can’t deny there is some truth in that, but promise that’s not my motivation for this particular note). Either way, sorry for the long note, thanks for reading this far, and best of luck on achieving all your goals Averral.
You are welcome, thank you for supporting my artistry.
To act as the Scarlet Queen, I have to bring forward my full self-realization and actualization of who I am as a human being. By acting as The Scarlet Queen it has somehow elevated everything else in my life to an entirely new way of being and acting that I have never done before previously. I am alert, present and sharp. My productivity is skywards. There is a calling forth a way of being that never existed previously. If anything at all, it is my source of personal power to be The Scarlet Queen as herself.
My default nature in my ordinary real life self is to be reserved and quiet. I am naturally cheerful and upbeat about life. To get out of character in the past when Risque got too much into me, I had to watch comedy. But now, I had learnt how to go in and out of character so much that it doesn’t really affect the next thing I do. I still write my book on filming days. I still conduct my daily interactions with people and I am on the phone and meeting people often.
I don’t know if any actor would challenge himself to act in a production all by himself consistently for years. A normal theatre production runs one season and that’s the end if it doesn’t have a following. But thankfully I have a great fan following that makes my production possible to explore and discover different aspects of myself via my roles and emotional spectrum. I bring out my feelings and personal experience into every performance. The communication I convey is to be confident and self-accepting of oneself and to be true to your desires. Although the story leans towards BDSM content as that’s my natural self-expression of who I am – it is just the way it is and I am not trying to hide it.
A defining moment in my life was when I watched Cool Devices, a hentai anime with perverse scenes that has shaped my sexuality for the years to come. Saki in Operation 05 and 06 was pretty much what I related to. For years I tried to pretend I am vanilla in university and kept every aspect of my kinkiness under the radar. What happens when you suppress sexuality? It comes out even more. As of now it is pretty much apparent and unleashed in my creativity and I don’t hold back what I want to enact in reality, moving from the realm of fantasy. There are probably millions out there who feel the same way but lead ordinary vanilla lives without exploring the deepest darkest aspects of who they are. But I chose to go into the darkness and back into the light to accept the way I am. Social norms no longer hold any boundaries or constraints in my exploration. After all, we only lead one life on earth. Without exploring our boundaries, how would we know what are our limits or who we truly are?
The Scarlet Queen Series is about exploring our identity, our sexuality, our desires, and our deepest wants. The journey the Scarlet Queen takes the viewers through is to accept oneself and their desires without questioning about what is right or wrong, what is accepted or not accepted, but it is what it is and we should embrace our dualities.
Minions humor me when they talk about entrepreneurship and creativity, they say, they need courage to be the change agent blah blah, but you know, honestly, we are born to create, the moment you conform, or judge someone, you lose your god like creation mode. When you try to be unconventional, chances are, you are going to be alone, you are not going to have any friends or support, can YOU deal with that? The long hours of spent in solitude like a locked mental jail cell with your own belief system when everyone else tells you it is NOT possible? If you can deal with this, next step is to look for the right mentors, for when you are ready, the right teachers will come to you. After that, build your dynamic team…when all is set… travel the world like crazy and fall in love randomly, and get married before you become too disillusioned and start eating minions.
Dont bother spending thousands of dollars on some entrepreneurship course, all you have to do is follow your heart and the path to creativity & love will automatically flow into your life like a universal life force… and you will achieve god like state in mastery, in a snap.
If you study successful business people closely, most of them dont succeed till they found their soul mate (facebook founder included!)… so never put your career in front of love, let them happen at the same time.
why cry, when no one sees you crying, why laugh, when no one laughs with you? There is only hopelessness left.
In a world of hope, there is only pain.
In a world of hopelessness, there is only freedom.
I have chosen… hopelessness to free me from the pain.
That’s why… I am limitless… fearless and free… a very dangerous state of artistry.
Between self destruction and creationism I have chosen to create a work of art before I kill my old identity and emerge as someone different once The Scarlet Queen is complete.
For the better or worse, I don’t know.
I was… and still is.. the leading actress of the play I had started acting in since I was 14 years old.
I was the gifted child at 7 years old who built castles out of poker cards and solved jigsaw puzzles for adults.
That lady in the black dress smoking a cigar on the poker table since 21 years old.
I am sorry my lover, my love for you has driven me to the point of insanity I can’t turn back on, my obsession has turned into vengeance and I hope to torment you daily with the dreams and desires you want but can’t have with Cheryl and Risqué.
You played with fire, and I am sure to reward you for your efforts.
You know… all I ever wanted was for us to live happily ever after in our little world.
She is releasing a novel (Hourglass Series) yearly and weekly YouTube videos. She does experimental flash fiction on this blog, along with song, movies and character analysis using historical and literature references.
One Million Views on Scarlet Queen YouTube (2015)