Filmed this to make a total of 4 music interpretation videos a month ago after losing 4 kg and writing my third book at the same time. Sadness with a depth of longing and yearning is one of the hardest emotion for me to express on stage. For years I couldn’t reach that core of vulnerability so I couldn’t film as Cheryl. She disappeared entirely from the series. But now Cheryl is back with Risque and the Scarlet Queen. I am glad that I have successfully managed to keep a solo theater production acting as three characters ongoing for 4 years without giving up. It is my original master artwork in motion. I hope my channel inspires the next generation of artists who pursue theater and arts to pursue their artistry in new alternative mediums such as YouTube.
With permission, I am publishing my replies to an email I received from a fan. My replies are in blockquotes:
When I started my YouTube Channel, I was quite a confused switch, but I discovered myself through the process that I am both sides of the equation and that I am one – the one and only Scarlet Queen. I am glad you found yourself in my master artwork.
Precisely, the French philisophers had done that in the Age of Enlightenment. Although Marquis De Sade wrote numerous erotic taboo books and was almost guillotined for that, he was an accomplished philisopher and politician. In Ancient China, I believe sexuality and erotic art was much more open and mainstream than before the communist took over. There are many instances in history that there were periods of libertine and enjoyment of sexuality, compared to conversative times now where there is a heavy reliance on porn and fantasy instead of pursuing healthly, loving deep relationships.
As long it touches one person, it doesn’t matter to me if it touches millions or billions. I believe my work will transcend time and space in the grand scale of the universe. If you watch Cloud Atlas the movie, you will realise the musician composed a score and committed suicide soon after. No one heard of the score till centuries later and the musical score sparked a rebellion.
There is no purpose in my art except to inspire others like yourself to discover who you are. And move the society towards openness in regards to sexuality.
With 2.7 million views and counting, I regard my channel a success on it’s own right and I am satisfied at the artistic progress I am making, as well as in my personal development in discovering who I am. In the process, it is educating others to accept their sexuality and who they are, despite social norms and constraints.
You are welcome, thank you for supporting my artistry.
To act as the Scarlet Queen, I have to bring forward my full self-realization and actualization of who I am as a human being. By acting as The Scarlet Queen it has somehow elevated everything else in my life to an entirely new way of being and acting that I have never done before previously. I am alert, present and sharp. My productivity is skywards. There is a calling forth a way of being that never existed previously. If anything at all, it is my source of personal power to be The Scarlet Queen as herself.
My default nature in my ordinary real life self is to be reserved and quiet. I am naturally cheerful and upbeat about life. To get out of character in the past when Risque got too much into me, I had to watch comedy. But now, I had learnt how to go in and out of character so much that it doesn’t really affect the next thing I do. I still write my book on filming days. I still conduct my daily interactions with people and I am on the phone and meeting people often.
I don’t know if any actor would challenge himself to act in a production all by himself consistently for years. A normal theatre production runs one season and that’s the end if it doesn’t have a following. But thankfully I have a great fan following that makes my production possible to explore and discover different aspects of myself via my roles and emotional spectrum. I bring out my feelings and personal experience into every performance. The communication I convey is to be confident and self-accepting of oneself and to be true to your desires. Although the story leans towards BDSM content as that’s my natural self-expression of who I am – it is just the way it is and I am not trying to hide it.
A defining moment in my life was when I watched Cool Devices, a hentai anime with perverse scenes that has shaped my sexuality for the years to come. Saki in Operation 05 and 06 was pretty much what I related to. For years I tried to pretend I am vanilla in university and kept every aspect of my kinkiness under the radar. What happens when you suppress sexuality? It comes out even more. As of now it is pretty much apparent and unleashed in my creativity and I don’t hold back what I want to enact in reality, moving from the realm of fantasy. There are probably millions out there who feel the same way but lead ordinary vanilla lives without exploring the deepest darkest aspects of who they are. But I chose to go into the darkness and back into the light to accept the way I am. Social norms no longer hold any boundaries or constraints in my exploration. After all, we only lead one life on earth. Without exploring our boundaries, how would we know what are our limits or who we truly are?
The Scarlet Queen Series is about exploring our identity, our sexuality, our desires, and our deepest wants. The journey the Scarlet Queen takes the viewers through is to accept oneself and their desires without questioning about what is right or wrong, what is accepted or not accepted, but it is what it is and we should embrace our dualities.
Where am I?
I don’t know, don’t know no more.
I am still left with 50 episodes to complete on the Scarlet Queen.
I will be back.
Minions humor me when they talk about entrepreneurship and creativity, they say, they need courage to be the change agent blah blah, but you know, honestly, we are born to create, the moment you conform, or judge someone, you lose your god like creation mode. When you try to be unconventional, chances are, you are going to be alone, you are not going to have any friends or support, can YOU deal with that? The long hours of spent in solitude like a locked mental jail cell with your own belief system when everyone else tells you it is NOT possible? If you can deal with this, next step is to look for the right mentors, for when you are ready, the right teachers will come to you. After that, build your dynamic team…when all is set… travel the world like crazy and fall in love randomly, and get married before you become too disillusioned and start eating minions.
Dont bother spending thousands of dollars on some entrepreneurship course, all you have to do is follow your heart and the path to creativity & love will automatically flow into your life like a universal life force… and you will achieve god like state in mastery, in a snap.
If you study successful business people closely, most of them dont succeed till they found their soul mate (facebook founder included!)… so never put your career in front of love, let them happen at the same time.
The Scarlet Queen
why cry, when no one sees you crying, why laugh, when no one laughs with you? There is only hopelessness left.
In a world of hope, there is only pain.
In a world of hopelessness, there is only freedom.
I have chosen… hopelessness to free me from the pain.
That’s why… I am limitless… fearless and free… a very dangerous state of artistry.
For the better or worse, I don’t know.
I was… and still is.. the leading actress of the play I had started acting in since I was 14 years old.
I was the gifted child at 7 years old who built castles out of poker cards and solved jigsaw puzzles for adults.
That lady in the black dress smoking a cigar on the poker table since 21 years old.
I am sorry my lover, my love for you has driven me to the point of insanity I can’t turn back on, my obsession has turned into vengeance and I hope to torment you daily with the dreams and desires you want but can’t have with Cheryl and Risqué.
You played with fire, and I am sure to reward you for your efforts.
You know… all I ever wanted was for us to live happily ever after in our little world.
But I am dead now.
The Scarlet Queen