The Depths And Back

I have to admit I spent most of my life overcompensating to be good enough. I would work 16 hours a day, and not socialise to achieve my goals. I wanted to be perfect. I needed and craved for validation, at the expense of my health and well being. I would tear down the skies, to hear, “It’s going to be okay.”
At this stage of my life, I would say I have reached the pinnacle. A list of feats that I made possible in a short duration of time, because of my ruthlessness. I don’t think I am well liked, I think I might be hated.
Four years of business school doesn’t train someone to be compassionate. It trains you to get down to the bottom line. It’s soul breaking training, the graduation rate is less than 50%. It corrupts the mind, it crushes dreams and it forces cold hard facts and removes all traces of emotions. To succeed, one must develop a sense of being in a state of zen.
My identity was fragmented in the process of business school, it broke into pieces, only to be merged together again in my pursuit of the highest form to be an artist and athlete. With this new form, I can truly say I have been to the depths of the deepest caves of my mind and back. I am glad I undertook the training to be an actor, I would never have understood myself this deeply otherwise.


The art of acting is the ultimate mastery of being human – it combines athleticism, artistry and imagination all in one. It’s about being a dancer and vocalist. To connect with our authentic selves that we had long forgotten…. to be part of the divine. 

It’s hardly understood and misused. It is now mainly used as a tool for fame, riches and temporary pleasures.

True mastery belongs to a few who can find the art within themselves as their unique expression to the world. 

Such, is my endless request for immortality. 


The lost art of acting

There are flashes of actors that are memorable, the moments that you remember about years after you watched the movie. Those moments are the most invaluable, and how do we create that? 

I had never seen it on West End. I saw it once in Las Vegas in the Phantom when he was enacting in the Phantom of the Opera. I saw flashes of it on some films made in Hollywood. The rest of the plays I had watched? They are technically good but I don’t recall the actor. But shouldn’t each show leave such an impact to the viewer that they would remember the actors that brought life to it? 

Over the years the brilliance of actors became less visible as “high concept” movies took precedence. For the new shows on broadway, the emphasis is on theatrical costumes and flashy stage props. Why, is it that in this modern day of technology we have simply lost the art of theater? 

I reminiscence the days I saw real acting, real theater and real artists on stage. But soon this art form will be lost to technology, unless we make an effort to learn and execute it without the need of flashy props or make up to conceal what the actor truly desires to bring life to. 

An actor fuses body movement and voice, a dancer and vocalist in one. The highest art form using the human body purely as his instrument. No need for any externalities. An actor can perform nude in a one man play and yet be captivating to his audience. Yet, day by day I see countless of actors do harmful things to their bodies and it hurts me to see them smoke or drink. 

Shakespeare was an actor before he became a playwright. He trained himself write from an actors point of view in his plays. The training of being an actor is probably one of the toughest conditioning a human can ever subject himself to as an artist and athlete. 

The rarity of this art form, and the almost extinction of it, has lead me on a timeless quest to rediscover this truth and experiment endlessly on myself to elevate my art to the next level. 

The Dark Lady of My Dreams

I see my destiny

the dark lady of my dreams

she fades in and out

whispers to my ear

I am a woman of masquerades 

une danseur actrice directrice 

let me take over you 

the lights go out

I remember myself no more

Je vois mon destin

la dame noire de mes rêves

elle se fane dans et hors

murmure à mon oreille

Je suis une femme de mascarades

une danseur actrice réalisateur

laisse moi t’occuper de toi

Les lumières s’éteignent

Je me souviens plus de moi


Dancing with the wind

I haven’t been able to watch or read a movie, play or story about love for the past year without tearing, even if the ending is good or bad.

So now, when I study a play, I cut out a scene, a fragment, so I don’t have to deal with the ending, so I don’t have to feel emotions. So I can live one more day, dancing with the wind.

I belong to the theater

I dream about it every night. I don’t know but sometimes the undercurrent of dreams takes over reality and I just have to respond to it and create this magnificence so I could lay it to rest.

Releases for 2018

I am delayed on my creative projects due to various commitments. I am working on new releases in this order:
1. Release of Purple Python Hardcover Book on Amazon
2. Filming of Scarlet Queen YouTube (52 episodes a year)
3. Release of The Scarlet Throne Short Story on Amazon
4. Photo Gallery page on my websites of my past and current photography work as a model and digital artist.
5. Editing of all three books in the HOURGLASS Series to be compiled and released as a trilogy on Amazon

Accomplishments to date:
– 3 published books on the HOURGLASS Series on Amazon
– 3.5 million views on YouTube for THE SCARLET QUEEN

In Progress:
2018 – Solo Short Film based on THE SCARLET QUEEN to be pitched as a feature-length movie.
2018 – 2024 – Trilogy based on THE SCARLET THRONE short story to be made into a fantasy series.


There is a new beginning to every ending. 
This year I had lost 7kg in total as part of my preparations to film a self directed 20 min short film next year. I don’t think I am adequately prepared at this point and I don’t think I will ever be fully prepared. But the essence is at least I tried to do something unachievable than let this opportunity pass without a fight. 

I had confessed to my best friend that I would rather die in the middle of pursuing my dreams then not having lived my life to the fullest. I would rather trade my short term gratifications such as going on yet another aimless directionless wanderlust to achieve long term results of leaving behind a fraction of the masterpiece I am attempting to bring forth to this world. 

I am utilizing my limited time on earth to maximise my returns on investments to ensure I spend the least possible time on each project with the greatest scalability. It’s by no chance, and no luck that I am where I am today. I do not believe in the attribute of luck or fortune. I believe we can powerfully choose and will forces into existence using the focus of our mind.

I may never be rich or famous but at least I lived virtuously and lived my life in accordance to my principles. 

Lastly, I had been performing my filial duties to my family and I have no regrets. For death is the only certainty on this temporal journey on earth. 

I choose my suffering & my happiness. 
I choose myself. 

Thoughts from Taiwan 

I was slow to pick up language. I could not speak a word of Hokkien dialect although my grandmother raised me up. I could not understand what she said and I had to point or guess. 

Mandarin was a challenge and I never mastered the language. I still jumble my words conversationally. During my vacation in Taiwan, I could not read most menus in classical mandarin characters. 

French was another hurdle. I spent hours on memorizing grammatical structures and I still occasionally type in a word or two in French as many root words in the English language are French words anyway. I gave it up as the only language I truly need to be masterful at in my lifetime is English. 

Being dyslexic, even arranging name tags in alphabetical order in neat rows makes me pespire in cold sweat. I still miss out on a letter or two and have to rearrange the rows. 

Organizationally, I had been a messy person but I had been systemically categorizing all there is to do in my life in a few key folders. I clean up my desk and compile my works every week. Every now and then, I stumble upon something I wrote or did and I forgot completely I did it years ago. But recently I have been focused on urgent projects and closed the trivia ones. By focusing on the main projects, I no longer have memory lapses. 

While I am writing this on a high speed train from Kaohsiung to Taipei to board my flight, I realised my language delayed development is due to my dylexic condition. However I could potentially overcome it by just being present, focused and “disappearing” my identity. The universialism that spills on page can be the “me” that is channeling the universial consciousness while “I” disappear and dissipate into the cosmos. 

I look forward to returning home. I miss dancing to no nights end. I miss writing till my memory collapses and I fall into a deep dreamless sleep. I miss my cat and her soft purs while she lays her head on my feet. I miss laughing loudly with my friends. I miss my grandparents and my dad. I am missing all these although it has only been a week. 

I will be back in full creative production for my novel, videos, business and holding the space for world leadership to arise in all areas in my life by simply being who I am – a source of empowerment to all around me. 

The Decay

The decay has been happening. There is a place within me that aspires to be but is not nourished. There is a decay of my soul as it sings it’s last song on love. There is a decay of unwanted wants. There is a decay of a lost song bird. 

The decay is a broken door that can’t be shut. The decay is what it is and what it isn’t. 

When the clock strikes thirteen, it’s evident there is no more real world. The decay is in the dream world.