I was slow to pick up language. I could not speak a word of Hokkien dialect although my grandmother raised me up. I could not understand what she said and I had to point or guess.
Mandarin was a challenge and I never mastered the language. I still jumble my words conversationally. During my vacation in Taiwan, I could not read most menus in classical mandarin characters.
French was another hurdle. I spent hours on memorizing grammatical structures and I still occasionally type in a word or two in French as many root words in the English language are French words anyway. I gave it up as the only language I truly need to be masterful at in my lifetime is English.
Being dyslexic, even arranging name tags in alphabetical order in neat rows makes me pespire in cold sweat. I still miss out on a letter or two and have to rearrange the rows.
Organizationally, I had been a messy person but I had been systemically categorizing all there is to do in my life in a few key folders. I clean up my desk and compile my works every week. Every now and then, I stumble upon something I wrote or did and I forgot completely I did it years ago. But recently I have been focused on urgent projects and closed the trivia ones. By focusing on the main projects, I no longer have memory lapses.
While I am writing this on a high speed train from Kaohsiung to Taipei to board my flight, I realised my language delayed development is due to my dylexic condition. However I could potentially overcome it by just being present, focused and “disappearing” my identity. The universialism that spills on page can be the “me” that is channeling the universial consciousness while “I” disappear and dissipate into the cosmos.
I look forward to returning home. I miss dancing to no nights end. I miss writing till my memory collapses and I fall into a deep dreamless sleep. I miss my cat and her soft purs while she lays her head on my feet. I miss laughing loudly with my friends. I miss my grandparents and my dad. I am missing all these although it has only been a week.
I will be back in full creative production for my novel, videos, business and holding the space for world leadership to arise in all areas in my life by simply being who I am – a source of empowerment to all around me.
The decay has been happening. There is a place within me that aspires to be but is not nourished. There is a decay of my soul as it sings it’s last song on love. There is a decay of unwanted wants. There is a decay of a lost song bird.
The decay is a broken door that can’t be shut. The decay is what it is and what it isn’t.
When the clock strikes thirteen, it’s evident there is no more real world. The decay is in the dream world.
There is an anguish within. A descodance of a sound that is twirling in an echo of a black hole. I had hid the pain beneath a pretense that it is all okay. The reality of which is that the decay is taking place and rotting into a mountainous heap of waste.
Ever so once in a while I find my creations in a demolition mode. In deconstructing, the pieces are flying out of the window and landing onto the cement floor in broken pieces of glass.
I had been breaking glasses and cutting my fingers by accident. When blood pools on the surface wound of my skin, I know the decay is no longer metaphysical but it is happening. My internal descondence state had taken over my being and is on a rampage to self destruct.
In the échos I tried to scream his name. But there are no saviours. I am trapped in a tower with spiral stairs that lead to the grey clouds.
I am enchanted by historic places. The visit to the Versailles left me in a deep space that the culture of a nation is dependent on the actions of the monarchy. Paris followed the fashion trends of Marie Antoinette for she was the Queen of France. But they abhorred her for she did not socialise with the ladies of the aristocracy that lead to her head being guillotined. Similarly, the Empress Cixi of China loved Chinese Opera and had a theater built in the palace for her to watch the opera lounging beside a window, and following this tradition, they held opera performances in all the districts in China to consolidate their control over their empire through the power of culture.
If I could go back in history, or rewrite history from this point on – I would make BDSM lifestyle a mainstream pursuit. The state of the world today has to do with the construct and introduction of financial markets and globalisation. People spend too much time in pursuing materialistic acquisitions and paying sky high mortgages than do anything meaningful. In this sense, there is a focus on self-inflicting pain and suffering on oneself to achieve material goals instead of the pursuit of pleasure, freedom, and quality of life by investing in relationships. This may not make any sense, but this is something I see very clearly when I travel.
I see the BDSM lifestyle an answer to having liberal attitudes towards sexuality and in this sense, divert the focus away from material acquisitions to investing in quality relationships. Move from the pursuit of pain, to the pursuit of pleasure. Move from loss of control, to total control. Move from misunderstandings, to compromise. I am proposing a wild answer to the state of our existence today, but it has been examined by philosophers such as Rousseau. “‘Man is born free, and everywhere he is in chains.’
These are the topics I am examining in writing The Prince.
“To do well in life and business, take care of your elders.” My grandmother said. “Cultivation is the key to success. Life is an unpredictable candle flame. Once the life force disappears, it disappears forever. Before that happens, ensure you had communicated to all your loved ones.” My grandfather walked out of the room. My grandmother lowered her voice. “Don’t let your ego get in the way. Don’t let looking good get in the way either. In the end, it will hurt you more to pretend you are okay.” My grandfather walked back into the room and watched television. We talked about how she has difficulties typing a message on a smart phone. I thanked her for the hospitality as I showed her how to book a uber car. “Come back and visit us soon.” she said in all smiles.
“I have you and I don’t need anyone else.” My friend said to me.
To this line I say, “What if I am not here tomorrow? There have to be others you are depending upon for support. Dependence is not a weakness, gathering support enables you to empower yourself. I know you can do this alone, you are strong to undertake this hardship. But don’t ride on this journey alone. We are all here for you. Share yourself with us.
No man is an island, we are co-dependent on each other in a loop of giving and receiving. If you keep giving, and giving, it’s great, but allow yourself to receive as well. Once you are able to receive, you can give more and contribute to others.”
To this he nodded.
Selfie with me and Lee Child at Thriller Fest 2016
The difference between good and great individuals is a subtle line of grey. What constitutes greatness? It is a subjective inquiry itself. I recognize that in the world of Thriller Writers, Lee Child is a great author. There is a defining characteristic that makes him outstanding from the rest of the authors I had encountered in the convention – his acceptance to feedback.
When the topic on the panel turned to reading reviews about their books, Lee Child said, “I read my one star reviews on my books to see what people got to say.” This characteristic of him being coach-able and ready to accept one star feedback is the probably the biggest differentiation factor between a good or great author. When I asked him privately about his decision to include a Chinese Female Detective in his book, MAKE ME. He replied, “I write what people want to read. That’s what the market wants.”
On further inquiry on the panel, Lee Child revealed, “I chose the name Jack Reacher as my wife told me that Reacher was a good name for a character in my book as I was asked on many occasions to reach for the top stands of groceries isles, and it stuck.”
I believe Lee Child’s ready acceptance to feedback is his greatest reason for his consistent success. For an author to consistently hit the best seller lists with no up or downs annually, Lee Child has shown himself to be a consistent performer at his productions. His greatness is his ability to produce a consistent product that delivers on it’s promise.
There are many “good” authors who might have one or two bestselling books at the start but upon their next book release, their rankings and reviews went down. Even at the very top level of authors, most authors do not consistently hit the charts with every book like what Lee Child has done.
At the end of this inquiry, I realised that my barrier to my own greatness as a writer has to do with my acceptance of feedback. I should readily accept feedback and read one star reviews to improve on my craft to move from being “good” to being “great”.
Fame came too early an age
Melchony was the cure
For many years there was
The rebirth of being invisible
On this virtual wall
What is caged
Is meant to be free
Anxiety burns into the chest in summer
Ultra violet blinding light hits the eyes
The gloom hits on the subway
The machinery runs on un-oiled wheels
The dread sets in the morning
Yet another day in this dysfunctional city
Lifelines are hanging on electric poles
Urban guns and innocents
The state of warfare is the empire of greed
The descent into fear and anarchy
Why, why, why?
The agenda is on the cards
Yet do you know we are one and the same?
New York, why do you make me cry
For the love of the world
You had became a monstrous being
That eats the souls of its inhabitants
Till they are zombified
Lifelines are hanging on electric poles
Save no one, not including yourself.