I was cast as the lead actress in a high school play when I was fourteen. I was given a script to memorise and put through an intensive program in the school play production. Day after day, we would rehearse our performance under extremely stressful conditions. As with lead roles, I was assigned a double. The double would replace me in the event I fell sick on the actual performance day. Deep inside me, I had a fear she would replace me, she would take my role and all my hard work will go to waste. If I couldn’t recite one line, my heart rate went up and I had a fear that my coach would remove me from the role.
The production went well and we performed at Victoria Theater, the very theater that I used to run around and hide under the velvet curtains. I fulfilled on acting in a theater production in a lead role, for my first footsteps on stage was to give flowers to musicians after their performances to the applause of the audience. This time, the audience was clapping for my performance.
Since the experience of being cast lead, “I will replace you,” has been my detriment. It ticks me off. It could be anyone saying it to me. “My ex could do those things you can’t.”, “If she can do it, why can’t you?” The very sensation of being replaced is the reason why I couldn’t perform publically without the fear I would be removed. I did everything I could to ensure I would not be replaced, I have my own YouTube channel, wrote my own books and stayed away from finding a job that where I would be “replaced”. After discovering this is my biggest constraint and blindspot, I gave up this up completely.
I no longer fear being replaced, for I am simply, irreplaceable.
|AVERRAL writes under pen name Scarlet Risqué. She stars in Scarlet Queen YouTube with over a million views. She holds a degree in business. The RED HOURGLASS is ranked Top 50 Espionage Thriller on Amazon. She is currently writing the sequels to the Hourglass Series. Grab a free copy of her novel now RED HOURGLASS on Amazon|