I had been inquiring into the nature of relationships around me to subjectively observe what the nature is about. I realised that most relationships exist in name but not in realness. What I mean by realness is that we hardly meet or have one on one conversations in real life. Most relationships in my observable reality is virtual. It’s by texting mostly. It’s about following feeds or sharing images and videos. There is no realness to it except the interaction between two screens. That itself is not a “real” relationship but a perceived reality of a relationship
Even having a real life relationship does not mean there is a relationship itself. I had observed that even in a real life relationship the topics gravitate towards un-realness. It is mostly gossip, jokes and random trivia. When I read Natsuo Kirino’s novels on Groteseque and Out, there was subjective inquiry into the nature of relationships between the characters who thought they knew each other including a pair of sister
s, but in the end, they didn’t really know each other inner, private lives and secrets.
When the nature of subjectivity of what is real and fake comes into question, I realised that most people have a fixed perception of who I am, and the me they think I am is also not exactly the me I am. Hence, my identity is a flux and it changes when I go from one context to another context. From speaking to an elderly, to a young child. There is no fixed identity, but it is perceived identity of what they think I am. Inversely, my impression on others is also filtered by my past experiences. Unless I reinvent a new way of looking at the situation, the situation remains the same or is filtered through my default lenses.
In this inquiry, I realised I have relationships that exist in name but they are not in existence. For example, I had a past lover but actually the ex lover only exists in my head and not in real life. It is internal, and it is not an external thing. Externally there isn’t any lover. It is what I imagine, and if I do see him in real life, it is a projection of my thoughts onto him which isn’t exactly real either.
In this blurring line of reality and unreality, I had gained clarity on where to draw the line on certain relationships and where to stand from. In this sense, the clarity of the inquiry of relationships itself enables me to become sharper on honing down what is unsaid or said, real or not real, and what is authentic or inauthentic. I am not yet a master at this but practicing this inquiry is probably the most powerful exercise I had ever undertaken to date.
I highly recommend taking a subjective look into your life and test the waters on who is, or who isn’t there for you by simply holding an unreasonable event and see who agrees to it. Don’t be shocked at the results, they are unreal after all.
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AVERRAL writes under pen name Scarlet Risqué. She stars in Scarlet Queen YouTube with over a million views. She holds a degree in business. The RED HOURGLASS is ranked Top 50 Espionage Thriller on Amazon. She is currently writing the sequels to the Hourglass Series. Grab a free copy of her novel now RED HOURGLASS on Amazon |
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