Honestly, I am very tired at this stage of the production. I am losing sleep over my quest for perfection. I could barely sleep more than 4 hours at a stretch, before waking up to work feverishly on the videos, to rewatch the videos, revise the script, practice. repeat. I am… exhausted. My health is deteriorating. I am, compromising my lifestyle to perform at this extreme level.
Why… you ask. The Scarlet Queen video series is something I had wanted to do since early this year. I wanted to try video blogging, to learn the art of using new media to communicate my art to the audience. I felt limited by a virtual writing blog space, and I think the time is ready now for a new medium – of videos – to communicate my stories. As I no longer work with photographers to do modelling projects as previously… I am considered in the not desired weight zone. I had built my body differently, I built it for strength, to have a dancer body, not for modelling.
When I was modelling actively, I did not eat much, truth to be told. I was constantly hungry, and had low energy levels. I slept mostly. Now, I have more energy, I eat three meals a day, loaded with protein, initially I was filled with hyper amounts of energy embarking on this ambitious one video a day for hundred days. Now, I am withering in self defeat. I cannot go on filming one video per day as different characters, everyday. I have to film three videos in one setting, so I only have to do filming for two days, and I can rest the next four days.
I felt that if I do not do this video project, I will not be happy, because I am suppressing my ideas for the personalities I want to convey. I have been actively imagining my characters (Cheryl and Risque) obsessively for two months before I started. I would act as them consciously/subconsciously to practice. They haunt me in my dreams, and tell me to let them free… they… want to… perform. Finally, I gave in to their request early this week. I am finally at content, at ease. I feel happy waking up each day, with a new project at hand.
I am learning to not be concerned with the end result (if people will like the videos) and to just focus on the process (of creating the videos artistically) especially on the content of their dialogue, which will get more interesting… towards episode ten. I have to make it a point to detach myself from perfection, and treat this project like a playtime, like a child’s play. Ever noticed how children play? They learn happily, they don’t need anyone to tell them how to play. They invent their own games with their imagination. That is… now I would like to play… towards this project.
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AVERRAL writes under pen name Scarlet Risqué. She stars in Scarlet Queen YouTube with over a million views. She holds a degree in business. The RED HOURGLASS is ranked Top 50 Espionage Thriller on Amazon. She is currently writing the sequels to the Hourglass Series. Grab a free copy of her novel now RED HOURGLASS on Amazon |
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