{"id":4029,"date":"2018-01-25T05:42:49","date_gmt":"2018-01-25T05:42:49","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.averral.com\/blog\/?p=4029"},"modified":"2018-01-25T05:54:31","modified_gmt":"2018-01-25T05:54:31","slug":"confessions-of-an-artist","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.averral.com\/blog\/2018\/01\/confessions-of-an-artist\/","title":{"rendered":"Confessions of an Artist"},"content":{"rendered":"
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I have to confess – I had been working to the point of exhaustion. I have been working till I could not move when I hit the bed, I am dead weight. When I hit my head on a car leather seat, I doze off immediately. I have pushed myself way too hard, in a short time. I forget to eat my meals, I have lost too much weight. Sometimes I don’t even remember my keys, or to order groceries. Sometimes I even forget my name, till someone calls my name. I have been spending ridiculous amounts of hours in front of the mirror to perfect my dance moves. Some days, I am zombified like a walking undead. Emotions don’t seem to penetrate me, they brush past me like the wind.<\/p>\n

I am aiming to achieve total mastery over my mind body and soul, but that stage is transient and not permanent. Sometimes I am in the flow, sometimes I am off the grid. Sometimes my mood swings get the better of me. I am, after all, a woman. Sometimes the past attacks my mind, and it fills me with anxiety that my pores are producing cold sweat. Whenever I encounter fights in public, I am filled with dread and an urge to run as far away as possible for safety.<\/p>\n

I am fallible. I am human. I make mistakes. I am not perfect. I am not everything, neither, can I be anything.<\/p>\n

I am doing all these for an impossible dream, but to dream is better than to not dream. To live in hope is better to live in monotony.<\/p>\n

I am way past overdue to go to New York for an extended period of time for the final marathon stretch of my short film production.<\/p>\n

My fan funding milestone is not on target as I had been distracted.<\/p>\n

I will be self-funding on a low budget for this dream to materialise.<\/p>\n

I could almost taste my dreams now.<\/p>\n

“It has been my dream from the start of filming The Scarlet Queen in 2012, to eventually make it into a movie to be broadcast to the world. I was limited by resources hence I uploaded a video on YouTube every week. In my dreams and visions, all I see is the grand design of the movie I want to make based on what I had created for The Scarlet Queen. Now, there are over two hundred videos with thousands of minions worldwide. I am dedicating my life in 2018 to turn The Scarlet Queen into a 20-minute short film by elevating my artistry through dancing 20 hours a week, and attending acting classes, working out and keeping to a strict diet. I had lost 7 kg in 2017 in preparation for this role. Your support for my artistry makes it possible for me to pursue my dreams.”<\/p>\n

https:\/\/www.patreon.com\/scarletqueen<\/a><\/p><\/blockquote>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I have to confess – I had been working to the point of exhaustion. I have been working till I could not move when I hit the bed, I am dead weight. When I hit my head on a car leather seat, I doze off immediately. I have pushed myself way too hard, in a […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[9],"tags":[],"yoast_head":"\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\t\n