{"id":3124,"date":"2015-11-24T11:05:03","date_gmt":"2015-11-24T11:05:03","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.averral.com\/blog\/?p=3124"},"modified":"2015-11-24T11:05:03","modified_gmt":"2015-11-24T11:05:03","slug":"masochistic-pain-of-love","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.averral.com\/blog\/2015\/11\/masochistic-pain-of-love\/","title":{"rendered":"Masochistic Pain of Love"},"content":{"rendered":"
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The long nights are those nights I descend into my nightmares.
\nIt’s a recurring scene that turns on repeat like a song on a loop.
\nThe same sounds and sensations fill up up the darkened room
\nI am transported into the depths of the murky brown waters
\nI am descending lower and lower, deeper and deeper
\nI cannot feel my hands or legs nor my breathing
\nIt seems to cease in this fleeting moment of time
\nAs I descend into the ocean depths, pulled downwards by gravity
\nI jolt awake and I almost fall off the bed, like a child who woke up from a nightmare
\nI had fallen off the bed many times, or hit my limbs on the edges
\nI see bruises on parts of my body I did not know how they got there.
\nMy pillow is soaked with tears that I did not have awareness of even crying
\nIt has became so natural, that tears and pillow are what I sleep to and wake up to
\nOn the long nights like this, it is hard to fall asleep.
\nThe nightmares jolt me up every few hours.
\nI start to count the clock. 2am. 3am. 4am. 6am. 9am.
\nAre my usual waking up moments throughout the night. I sleep past the alarm and wake up at noon time, and my mornings are over.
\nI hate that when it happens, as my work becomes backlogged.
\nI am unable to accomplish half of my tasks for the day.
\nI try to sleep early the next day starting at 10pm. 12am. 2am. I wake up repeatedly
\nThis loop repeats itself like a song that never ends.<\/p>\n

This song sings a sad tune behind a blue jazz beat in a foreign language that no one seems to understand. This song wakes me up and calms me back to sleep. This is my soul song, of an unrequited masochistic pain of love.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

The long nights are those nights I descend into my nightmares. It’s a recurring scene that turns on repeat like a song on a loop. The same sounds and sensations fill up up the darkened room I am transported into the depths of the murky brown waters I am descending lower and lower, deeper and […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[4],"tags":[],"yoast_head":"\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\t\n