{"id":2070,"date":"2012-11-26T22:26:15","date_gmt":"2012-11-26T22:26:15","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/averral.com\/blog\/?p=2070"},"modified":"2012-11-26T22:31:20","modified_gmt":"2012-11-26T22:31:20","slug":"recurring-pain","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.averral.com\/blog\/2012\/11\/recurring-pain\/","title":{"rendered":"Recurring Pain"},"content":{"rendered":"
<\/div>\n

Recently, I have been awoken in my sleep
\nfrom pain.<\/p>\n

One, is from the recurring pain on my left wrist
\nan old injury. The pain goes into my bones and it wakes me up
\nin the middle of the night, especially when it is cold.<\/p>\n

Two, is from the emotional pain in my heart
\nI wake up feeling extremely low and crappy
\nlike seriously, end my misery please
\nI don’t know why I feel this way
\nbut it might be because my bed is empty
\nand realising I am alone.<\/p>\n

Three, is from the pain from my muscles
\nI have been overexerting
\nI tend to go into extremes when I am in my creative over drive
\nlike doing workouts in the middle of the night
\nstretching
\ndancing
\nanything physically exhausting
\nso I will collapse back into my bed
\nso that my mind will blank out.<\/p>\n

Lastly, is the imagined pain in my mind
\nTo portray a character like Cheryl
\nI have to imagine her pain
\nand it does get into me.
\nOr dancing even, the pain of tango.
\nAnything that I imagine, act and write
\nI feel it too.<\/p>\n

I am tired. I want to rest, I want to feel at peace
\nbut my heart and mind is in perpetual discord
\nthe unsettling conflicting of emotions is… overwhelming
\nI wish I could really end it, like, I don’t want to wake up
\nbecause it is too fucking painful.<\/p>\n

I do love the people around me, and my life
\nbut when I am breaking into pieces
\nwithin myself in forging my new identity
\nI can no longer see myself.<\/p>\n

Metaphorically… I am dead… emotionally and physically.
\nLike a phoenix that turns into ashes, it will rise again
\nbut when, I do not know.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Recently, I have been awoken in my sleep from pain. One, is from the recurring pain on my left wrist an old injury. The pain goes into my bones and it wakes me up in the middle of the night, especially when it is cold. Two, is from the emotional pain in my heart I […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[9],"tags":[],"yoast_head":"\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\t\n